so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
