went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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