Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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