She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
