Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think a kid would responsible me up
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
