I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
