fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
