: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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