I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
