We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
