I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
