false alarm. still invincible.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
