So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
