Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
