Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
