garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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