I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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