She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
