so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
