i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize