I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
