so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
