just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is my gift to your gina
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
