I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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