My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
