so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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