3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
