i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize