I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
