somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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