I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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