and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
