my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
