a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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