Im at strip club and am horny
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
