Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
