Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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