Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
