The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
