Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
