We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
