Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
