I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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