I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
