i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
