By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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