Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hello my rib-scented angel!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
