cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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