Having a random hookup so left but love u
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
