my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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