he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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