watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize