it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
