He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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