I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
