Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
