Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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