Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
