dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need a beard to bite.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
