please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
