Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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