Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he thought i was a dude.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
