Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
