we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
