Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
