im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
