i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
