I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
