if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
