i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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