If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
