I've blown a few things in my day
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
